[ T A I N T E D G R A Y ' S S E N T E N C E M E M E ]
↳ ♕ R a n d o m i z e d . H a u n t i n g S t y l e
send me one of the following and i’ll write a little something from my character to yours inspired by the phrase
“I just got back from the cemetery.”
"I swear I just saw someone… something looking in my window."
"I know I closed the damn closet door, but it keeps opening! Please tell me this is just some kind of joke you keep pulling."
"What’s behind you in these pictures…?”
"Apparently like 20 years ago, some girl slaughtered her family in the basement."
"I keep hearing noises coming from the attic…"
"I didn’t have time to see what it was! I just got the hell out of there!"
"Whose grave were you bringing flowers to…?"
"The electric company said there was absolutely nothing wrong — and yet, the lights always flicker on at 2am. Explain that to me?"
"Why don’t you spend the night in that house ‘alone’, then try to convince me that you don’t believe in ghosts.”
"I keep hearing whispers at night… I-I can’t sleep!"
"There was something else in there with me, I’m not going back to that house."
"Come on, it’s just an urban legend…”
"I keep getting the feeling that someone is following me."
"Don’t panic… but I think there’s someone else in the house."
"I can still feel her/his ghost, and it’s killing me…"
"There’s something growling in the basement… could you, uh… check it out for me?”
"I didn’t forward one of those freaky chain letters and now I keep hearing the laughter of children coming from my hallways at night."
"The dead are all around us…"
"She’s dead! She’s dead and yet I keep seeing her, everywhere!"
"There’s something breathing under the bed…”
"You can’t tell me you don’t believe in ghosts after all we’ve been through."
"Maybe an exorcism is in order…?"
"He was there, then like a second later he literally vanished! I saw it happen!"
"I like the ghosts here… they keep me company.”
"You can’t honestly tell me you’re in love with a dead girl."
“Wasn’t someone murdered in this house? Why are we here?”
"If dying means being with him/her, kill me. I’d be happier that way."
"Ghosts aren’t real. You need help."
"I’m pretty sure my toaster’s haunted.”
"What’s wrong with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost."
"Don’t! Don’t you dare open that door!"
"I visited his grave for the first time today…"
"Something terrible happened to him/her, didn’t it?"
"Wh-why do you have a knife…?”
"You’re all bloody, what happened!?"
"How can you not see it…? I’m dead! I’ve been dead for years!"
"I’m sorry, I’m busy Friday with the… funeral and all."
"I’ll never forget the sound of his screaming."
"From the looks of it, the afterlife is a lot more fun than this."
"Yeah, okay… if you’re ‘a ghost’, prove it.”
"Legend has it that you can still hear her crying for her lover in the dead of night."
"I want to be dead, too."
"Well don’t you look lovely, all covered in blood.”
"Whoa — wait! Please don’t go down there… let’s just get out of here, please?"
"You played with a Ouija board!?"
"There’s so much negative energy in this house… do you know if someone died here?"
"You’re always hanging out in cemeteries… and yeah, it’s kinda creepy.”
"They just don’t believe like they used to…"
"I will haunt you until the end of time."
- When all else fails, start writing with your tears. It doesn’t make your work more quality, but you might as well make a use of them.
- Forget paragraphs. Write a big, endless wall of text from start to finish that leaves your readers exhausted and without any desire to live. Nailed it.
- Use big words. Use extremely big words. Don’t say tintin when you can say methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylarginyl…
- Use long sentences too because sometimes you need to be manly and what’s manlier than long sentences that flow like a coursing river and never make you stop to breathe because fuck breathing and then throw some goddamn’s in there and then stop suddenly. Continue with a very short sentence.
- Nobody knows how Scottish/Irish/Something people talk so make sure to write the accent like it sounds and exaggerate it so people know how they talk but never what they mean.
- Remember that you can write about dragons and magic and unrealistic sex performances but you need to draw the line at brown people and/or women. They’re too strange.
- Love triangles make everything better.
- Be precise. More blood oranges, less reds.
- Assume your readers are stupid. Explain everything. Explain every single thing. Everyone must know how smart you are at all times.
- It’s never too late to just kill your MC and remind your readers nobody is permanent and everything is meaningless.
- Your white straight male Vigilante anti-hero that makes the rules as he goes is absolutely groundbreaking.
- Be as offensive as possible and then shield yourself from criticism by claiming it’s satire. Make anybody that knows anything about satire instantly realize you’re lying. Guaranteed to work.
- Say any variation of fuck in every other sentence so readers know you keep it real.
- Write about the girl you could never have in real life because what’s more mature and creative than a main male character reflecting the writer’s entitled crybaby tendencies.
- Make sure to mention the way your female character’s breasts jingle every single time you mention her. She’s crying? Her breast must be jingling. She’s doing exercise? PERFECT jingling opportunity. She’s not moving at all? Better spice it up with some Boob Action.
- Every time you feel tempted to write an ellipsis or em dash, place in the poop emoji instead. Just do it.
I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU
send me a character + thing if you wanna know my headcanon for them and that thing
ex: molly hayes + sleeping
- "I cheated on you."
- "I saw you! I saw you with her/him!"
- "How could you do this to me?"
- "I thought we were okay…"
- "We could have had it all…"
- "You ruined me."
- "You fucked my sister/brother? Well it’s only fair I guess… I mean I did fuck your mum/dad while we were together, so we’re even now."
- "I don’t love you any more."
- "You never loved me."
- "I gave you the best years of my life."
- "I only loved you to get into the will…"
- "I don’t know what to do any more."
- "I can’t keep letting you hurt me."
- "I can’t keep hurting you."
- "It’s not your baby…"
- "Well guess what? I faked every orgasm!"
- "I know it’s not my baby."
- "I trusted me."
- "I still love you."
- "I… I’m just disappointed in you."
- "I was always second place- I never really mattered did I?"
- "Did I even mean anything to you?"
- "I just want to know that what we had was real, even if it was so short."
- "You can’t just leave me like this…"
- "I’m leaving for good."
- "I’m never coming back."
- "I don’t want to see you ever again."
- "You belong to me."
- "I found you."
- "I’m in jail."
- "You make me so hot."
- "I have to leave."
- "Please don’t leave."
- "And what about our parents?"
- "Who did this to you?"
- "You shouldn’t have done that."
- "What happened last night."
- "We never tell anyone about this."
- "So, you want to play games?"
- "Does that require pants?"
- "Lets just have a lazy day."
- "Then go kill the bitch."
- "I’m pregnant."
- "You broke me."
- "Don’t touch me."
- "You can’t fix this."
- "There’s nowhere we can hide."
- "I’m not listening."
- "Who do you think you are?"
- "I don’t need you here."
- "Did I fall asleep?"
- "A little evil goes a long, long way."
- "I will not die."
- "I don’t care."
- "I have no regrets."
- "I feel numb."
- "All monsters are human."
- "You look beautiful, but you don’t look fine."
- "How many time have I told you to be more careful?"
- "Let’s get you to bed."
- "I can’t even look at you, you promised not to get into any more fights!"
- "Are you crazy?”
- "Do you trust me?"
- "How did you escape?"
- "Is that blood behind your ear?"
- "Take. This. Off. "
- "What’s in it for me?"
- "What’s in it for you?"
Body Language Cheat Sheet for Writers
As described by Selnick’s article: